( Totep’s e-mail inspired me to write these crumbs of thoughts on loneliness and homesickness)
Loneliness and homesickness are two demons that I know very well. Or to put it correctly, the two demons that know me very well. They have been patiently lurking in my soul, crippling the sharpness of my mind, hounding and pounding every vein of my heart. They have been with me and they will always be.
Trained and formed to be lonely-proof missionary, well-armed with theological thoughts, enflamed by youthful idealism and, strengthened by the mystical blessings of prayers, I went to foreign mission with much pride…for nothing could stop me, nobody could humble me. But I was wrong.
I fought fiercely with these demons for sometime. I used all I got to defeat them, but to no avail. They can be weakened but not killed; they can be resisted but not forever. Time came when loneliness crumbled the proud fortress of my emotion, homesickness burned down the high façade of my thoughts…leaving my soul naked.
But God indeed is the God of many surprises. The moment of my surrender was also a moment of my victory. It was when I accepted that I am lonely that loneliness befriended me; it was when I showed my weakness that homesickness led me back home.
Now I learned the lesson well: loneliness and homesickness are not demons after all. They are good friends if we befriend them; they are however great enemies if we fight against them.
Fortunately, I did not learn the lesson through a hard way.
Loneliness and homesickness are two demons that I know very well. Or to put it correctly, the two demons that know me very well. They have been patiently lurking in my soul, crippling the sharpness of my mind, hounding and pounding every vein of my heart. They have been with me and they will always be.
Trained and formed to be lonely-proof missionary, well-armed with theological thoughts, enflamed by youthful idealism and, strengthened by the mystical blessings of prayers, I went to foreign mission with much pride…for nothing could stop me, nobody could humble me. But I was wrong.
I fought fiercely with these demons for sometime. I used all I got to defeat them, but to no avail. They can be weakened but not killed; they can be resisted but not forever. Time came when loneliness crumbled the proud fortress of my emotion, homesickness burned down the high façade of my thoughts…leaving my soul naked.
But God indeed is the God of many surprises. The moment of my surrender was also a moment of my victory. It was when I accepted that I am lonely that loneliness befriended me; it was when I showed my weakness that homesickness led me back home.
Now I learned the lesson well: loneliness and homesickness are not demons after all. They are good friends if we befriend them; they are however great enemies if we fight against them.
Fortunately, I did not learn the lesson through a hard way.
4 comments:
wonderful, touching reflection, fr. dandy. i know it's you who wrote it. basta. :)
padi dandy,
parehas kami ni gibbs, we know its you...kasi ikaw lang yung nasa religious mission....
san nasa angono kita didto ko naaraman na misyonero ka talaga san nag desisyon ka na gibohon ta an soup kitchen vincentian tradition san nagbaha an lawa... didto ko din naaraman na i'm not meant for "that mission.."
i know too that many people will be touched by you and in return they will touch your life too...
...padayon sa misyon... sa bikol, payt sana sa paghingoha...
by the way, i encourage you to publish your reflections, you can easily find financial resources for it, di ba father finance officer? =)
padi dand'
..yes, i agree with totep when he said " i know too that many people will be touched by you..."..actually ur the very first person i knew that u experience the sense of "touch"...hehehe!..anyway padi, nice reflections...Godspeed!
mwahaha, korek ka diyan, tato! :)
gibbs
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